Zombie High School – Part I

by Bobby Semelsberger

April 27, 2008: Woodrow Wilson High School-

5:06 PM:

As the sun was about to set and the sky was drenched in a beautiful golden hue, Andrew was skipping on one leg along the school’s pool, but he was in too much pain to continue on any longer. Andrew collapsed on the ground letting out a series of heavy breathes. He had twisted his ankle only moments before when he attempted to hurtle over a bench.  He caught his breath as he watched the zombies approaching him. Fifty to a hundred zombies were circling the pool area of the high school.  Andrew splashed some water on his face, trying to convince himself he was just experiencing one horrific nightmare and a little water would wake him up.  Just as Andrew was preparing to jump back to his feet and fight his way out, a zombie lunged out of the water and grabbed Andrew’s arm, pulling him below the surface.

7:10 AM:

The day started much like any other for the students attending Woodrow Wilson High School… but with one significant difference; today the students felt an extra push because in less than six and a half hours spring break would begin, or so the students thought. There is another reason that day was different. The schools usual supplier of meat patty products, Beefy Co., had misplaced the school’s daily order, leading to a deficit in meat. In a last minute effort by the penny squeezing principle, Mr. Rushmore, the school bought a cheap meat substitute from a dirty factory downtown. All the lunch ladies knew something was “funky” with this meat, but they didn’t want to get fired for a dispute over meat, so they just zipped their lips and shaped the meat into burger patties to serve for lunch.

7:30 AM:

The final bell rang for first period. All the students in Ms. Rango’s Spanish class refused to take their seats.

Ms. Rango: Take your seats, children.

Trevor: Come on Ms. Rango, it’s the Friday before spring break can’t we just relax, maybe have a potluck? I have half a ham in my backpack.

Ms. Rango: Why did you bring half a ham to school?

Trevor: Because ham is delicious.

Ronald: If you love ham so much then why don’t you head over the border and make it official? Am I right?

Ronald laughed at his own joke while nobody else did.

Ronald: Do you guys get the joke? Because ham is a food product and Trevor is not. Trevor is a human. Humans can’t marry ham; I mean it is outrageously humorous, right?

Katie: Shut up, Ronald.

Ronald: All right then.

Ronald sat down in his desk.

Ms. Rango: Just everyone take your seats it may be spring break in a few hour, but as of now it’s class time. Now who can tell me how to conjugate…

Just then Andrew Winters burst into the classroom.

Ms. Rango: Did you not hear the bell, Señor Winters?

Andrew: I’m sorry, Ms. Rango. I was driving to school and this caribou jumped out in front of my car. You know how people say that in the heat of the moment you just immediately know what to do. Well like magic, I Tokyo drifted around the caribou doing a full 180-degree turn at about 50 mph and managed to not even spill a drop of my apple juice sitting comfortably in my cup holder.

Ms. Rango: Then how were you late for school?

Andrew: Well after that I hit a squirrel.

The whole class gasped.

Ms. Rango: What’s the truth?

Andrew: I over slept.

Ms. Rango: You always have a story, Andrew. Take your seat.

Andrew: Yes, ma’am.

Andrew walked down the row to his seat, passing Trevor along the way.

Trevor: What’s up Butt-Face.

Andrew: Real original.

Andrew sat down in his desk.

10:34 AM:

Andrew was taking a semester final for his Calculus class. For Andrew the write in test was a breeze, but for Susan next to him the test wasn’t so simple. Andrew could tell she was struggling. Andrew glanced over at her paper.

Andrew (Whispering): Its X+6 to the power of 4.

Jamie (Whispering): What?

Andrew: For that problem you’re working on. You started the solving the equation correctly, but then you got lost.

Jamie: I did.

Andrew: I think you need to use the quadratic formula for the rest of it.

Jamie: Oh right thanks.

Andrew: Do you need help on the rest of it? This stuff comes naturally to me.

Jamie: No, Mr. Kreptic might hear us.

Andrew looked over at their calculus teacher sitting at his desk smelling a cup of banana-berry yogurt.

Andrew: Mr. Kreptic is 62 years old, has scratchy hearing, short- term memory loss, and thinks Twitter is some type of robot parrot. I think we’re going to be fine.

Jamie: Well I did get stuck on number 6.

Andrew leaned over to look at her test.

Andrew: Oh yeah that one’s simple. You just factor out the denominators on both sides and that makes the problem a lot easier.

Jamie: I see what you did. That does make it a lot easier to solve.

Andrew: See, it’s no big deal.

Mr. Kreptic: Andrewson, are you talking?

Andrew: No, that wasn’t me, Mr. Kreptic.

Mr. Kreptic: Must be a ghost! Keep your eyes peeled, kids. Casper could be around here!

12:23 PM:

The whole school was crowded into the cafeteria. Jamie, Ronald, Ollie, and Janet were crammed in against the same circular table.

Jamie: Ollie, what are you eating?

Ollie: A hamburger. They’re half priced today.

Janet: Why are they half priced today?

Ollie: I have no idea, but I’m going back for a second one.

Ronald: Okay guys I have prepared my joke of day.

Nobody else at the table seemed enthusiastic about it. Ronald stood up from the bench holding a note card in front him.

Ronald (Reading): Okay, so there’s two peanuts walking down the street. All of a sudden one of them was assaulted!

Ronald began to giggle as wave a silence passed over the rest of the table.

Jamie: Did you really write that down?

Ronald: Do you guys not get it? See because peanuts usually have salt on them. And some one gets assaulted, it sounds like salt. It’s a play on words, it’s a hilarious word play…

Janet: Shut up, Ronald!

Ronald: Okay.

Trevor slammed his backpack on the table and squeezed between Jamie and Ollie.

Trevor: I am so pumped for our Spring Break party tonight. I got music, lights, amps, lasers, mirrors, green fog, neon bulbs, and a little toy train that circles around the living room serving chips and salsa.

Ollie: This burger rocks. Trevor, why didn’t you get a burger?

Trevor: I have half a ham to finish.

Ollie: Your loss, bro.

Jamie: I don’t think I’m gonna go to your party, Trevor.

Trevor: Come on Jamie, you have to show up! I’m gonna put a slip-n-side down my stairs!

Jamie: Yeah, maybe. Who else is going?

Trevor: Jimmy, Charlie, Reggie, Susan, Kelly, the other Kelly, the Kelly with the lazy eye, Hooper…

Jamie: What about Andrew?

Trevor: That guy is such a cocky cock.

Jamie: I think he’s kind of nice.

Trevor: He thinks he knows everything.

Jamie: Well he does know a lot.

Trevor pointed past Ronald to Andrew who was sitting alone at a table, reading a book.

Trevor: He’s sitting alone for a reason. He’s like a poison.

Then all of a sudden Ollie turned his head away from the table and vomited. Ronald leaped back from the table.

Ronald: That is disgusting.

Jamie: Ollie, go to the nurse.

Ollie: No, I’m good.

Ollie vomited again.

Janet: I’m just going to leave.

Trevor: Go to the nurse, buddy.

Ollie: Fine, but all she’ll say is “Ollie, you’re ready to party.”

Ollie slowly left the table holding his stomach. Ollie exited the cafeteria and stumbled down the hall, feeling worse by the second. As Ollie approached the nurse’s office he saw a line of students lying against the lockers.

1:45 PM:

Not many students were in library for study hall. Only about 15 of the usual 27 students were present in their seats. Andrew was one of the students in the library, sitting alone at his desk researching his biology project. Trevor, Jamie, Janet, and Ronald sat at another table. Jamie looked over at Andrew once or twice within the period, feeling sorry for since he was once again sitting alone.

1:46 PM:

Ollie sat at the end of the long line outside the nurse’s room. His face pale, eyes bloodshot, sweat drops the size of nickels running down his face.

Ollie: I need some water.

Ollie struggled to get to his feet. He leaned his whole upper body against the wall and slowly pushed himself up to his feet. Ollie limped down the hall, never once taking his hands off the wall for support. But just as he got in sight of the water fountain, Ollie keeled over. Vice Principle Cooter witnessed Ollie collapse from the other side of the hallway and bolted to his motionless body.

VP Cooter: Can you hear me? Are you all right?

Ollie’s head slowly turned towards her. His eyes were bright white and saliva dripped off his chapped lips, creating a puddle on the floor.

VP Cooter: Are you OK?

Ollie lunged at her, his teeth ripping into her neck.

1:47 PM

The nurse was examining a student’s heartbeat with her stethoscope.

Nurse: Increasing heart race, bloodshot eyes, stomach cramps. You’re just like all the others. I just can’t figure out what it is that’s wrong with all you.

Then the nurse heard a knock from outside her closed office door.

Nurse: One at a time.

Suddenly, a crowd of arms busted through the office door. Vicious zombies ripped through the wooden door, their pale heads peeking through. Each zombie was letting out a distinctive growl. The nurse let out a piercing scream.

Nurse: ZOMBIE ATTACK!!!

1:53 PM

In the library, Jamie took a seat beside Andrew.

Andrew: Well hello there.

Jamie: What are you studying?

Andrew: The reproduction process.

Jamie: What?

Andrew: For biology class. I’m learning this for biology class I don’t look at this in my free time or anything.

Jamie: Well anyway, did you hear about Trevor’s party tonight?

Andrew: I heard something about that.

Jamie: I was wondering if you wanted to come.

Andrew: Ummmm…

Just as Andrew was about to answer they saw a staff member running outside the library.

Jamie: Where do think he’s going?

Andrew: Maybe he’s late to a meeting or something.

Then they heard the echo of a woman’s scream from outside.

Andrew: Did you hear that?

Jamie: What?

Andrew: It might have just been the wind or something.

Jamie: So do you want to come to the party later on, or… what?

Trevor watched the two talking from afar.

Trevor (To Ronald): What are they talking about? She better not be inviting him to my party. My block is a “no jerkface” block, and he is not welcome.

Ronald: Have you ever heard of the joke about the Pope and the camel that walk into a Home Depot? Because it is a laugh riot.

Trevor: I’m going to put an end to this.

Trevor jumped to his feet and charged towards Jamie and Andrew.

Trevor: Hey, you better not come to my party tonight.

Jamie: Trevor, that is so rude.

Andrew: I didn’t even say I was going.

Trevor: Well you better not think you’re invited because you have no idea where it’s located.

Andrew: Isn’t it at your house? I live two streets down from you. We have a block party every year.

Trevor: Well then just don’t show up or I’ll be forced to take you down with my nun chucks.

Andrew: You don’t have nun chucks.

Trevor: I do too have nun chucks. And I’m deadly with them.

Jamie: Just calm down, Trevor. Andrew’s a nice guy, he should be able to come.

Trevor: Why don’t you just marry him, then?

All of a sudden, the fire alarm sounded and lights started to flash overhead. The librarian, Mrs. Spalding, ran in from her office in the back.

Mrs. Spalding: I didn’t know we were having a drill today! This is a lock down I think.

Ronald: Lock down? That is so awesome. I wonder what’s going on out there.

Ronald slid across the table and peered out of the window, into the hallway.

Ronald: Maybe there was a mercury spill or maybe someone set a fire in the parking lot again.

Mrs. Spalding: Ronald, get away from the window. It’s dangerous out there.

Ronald: No it’s not. There are a bunch of people in the hallway.

Janet: What are they doing?

Ronald: They’re just standing around. One guy is on the ground. Why do those students get out of class, but not us?

Andrew, Jamie, and Trevor looked through the window from behind Ronald.

Jamie: They all look really pale.

Trevor: That guy on the ground isn’t moving.

Andrew: You’re right he isn’t moving.

Trevor: Finally we agree on something.

Andrew: No I mean he’s really not moving. I’m a little concerned.

2:10 PM:

Outside of Woodrow Wilson High School, a parade of police cars, fire trucks, and biohazard trucks. The nurse ran out from behind the bushes just outside her window. She ran into a group of men wearing biohazard suits, each suit looked like 30 feet of tin foil wrapped head to toe.

Nurse: HELP! HELP!

A dashing man wearing a bulletproof vest and leather pants jumped out from the back of the now empty biohazard truck. A badge reading “Department of Bio-Hazard Control and Defense” was clipped to the side of his zebra-skin belt.

Captain Ziggy (To the Nurse): My name is Captain Ziggy. I’m in charge of this investigation. Are you the one who called us?

Nurse: Yes! I’m the nurse here. I was just viciously attacked by a gang of zombies, but I managed to escape through the window.

Captain Ziggy: Zombies you say? Well that’s a code yellow. (He held up a megaphone and turned to the other officials standing around) IT’S A CODE YELLOW, EVERYBODY!

Nurse: Yellow? Is yellow bad?

Captain Ziggy: Well on a scale of eggshell white to maroon, it’s pretty damn frightening.

Nurse: You need to send some people in there! Innocent children are going to get hurt!

Captain Ziggy: You listen up little lady, I can’t send any of my men into that there school because if we do have a zombie invasion on our hands we’ll be torn apart to little bite size pieces.

Nurse: What are you going to do?

Captain Ziggy: Well I’m not going to let those zombies escape. If even one of those man-eaters gets out into the real world we could have an epidemic on our hands.

Nurse: You’ve sound like you’ve dealt with this before.

Captain Ziggy: Only once in the late 80s. That was a crazy night in Atlantic City!

Captain Ziggy popped open a compartment on his vest and picked out his walkie-talkie.

Captain Ziggy (Into the walkie-talkie): This is the Captain over at WW High School. We got a code yellow. I need a barricade brought in by air support.

Nurse: Barricade?

2:20 PM:

Trevor wheeled the TV in from the back room in to the center of the library where everyone could see it.

Mrs. Spalding: We can’t get cable but we should be able to get some of the lower channels.

Trevor pressed the channel button located at the bottom of the TV. He flipped through channels of static until he finally got to the lower channels that worked.

Trevor: Here we go. Soap opera, soap opera, infomercial, game show…

Ronald: Price is Right, leave it on this.

Trevor: No we’re looking for the news.

Ronald: Come on they’re playing Plinko!

Trevor skipped passed Price is Right to the next channel that happened to be the news.

Jamie: There it is, leave it.

The high school was on the news.

Janet: We’re on TV.

Trevor: Shut up and listen to what they’re saying.

On TV, the news reporter was filming just behind a line of police cars just outside the school.

News Reporter (On TV): The police are telling us we’re not allowed any closer to the high school then we are now. But I’m getting word that there has been some type of chemical outbreak inside the school.

Janet: Chemical outbreak? What is that?

Jamie: Do you think we’re safe.

Trevor: This could really screw up my party.

Andrew heard the faint sound of helicopter propellers rotating from outside the roof. Andrew stood up from his seat and walked down one of the rows of books towards the window that looked outside. Jamie turned around and saw Andrew walked to the window.

Jamie: Andrew?

Andrew pressed his face against the window and looked upwards.

Trevor: If there is some type of outbreak then we shouldn’t just sit here. Lets crawl out the windows or something.

Andrew: That might be a problem.

Trevor: What are you talking about?

Andrew: You guys are gonna need to see this.

About 6 feet from the roof of the school 10 helicopters hovered each with what looked like a giant glass wall tied to the bottom of it. From the ground Captain Ziggy held the walkie-talkie to his mouth watching the helicopters.

Captain Ziggy (Into walkie-talkie): Okay carefully lower them down into position.

The helicopters lowered their glass walls to the ground, enclosing the entire high school in a giant glass square. Each glass wall was just about 20 feet high and indestructible.

In the library, all the students crowded around the window.

Jamie: They’re just going to lock us in here?

Trevor: This sucks serious butt!

Andrew: What’s ever happening around here must be pretty serious.

Ronald: GUYS…

Everyone twirled around to look over at Ronald who was on the opposite side of the library staring outside the window into the hall.

Jamie: What’s wrong?

Ronald: I think Ollie wants to come in here.

Jamie: Ollie went to the nurse.

Ronald: Well he’s right outside the window and he looks eager to get in. There’s something wrong with his eyes.

Everyone walked over to Ronald and saw Ollie clawing at the window, his face pressed against the glass, saliva dripping off his chin.

Jamie: Ollie?

Trevor: He doesn’t look too good.

Ronald: I’m gonna let him in.

Andrew: DON’T LET HIM IN!

Ronald: Why not?

Andrew: He has bloodshot eyes, pale skin; he seems to be hungry yet he ate two hamburgers at lunch. Do I really have to be the crazy one who says it?

Jamie: Say what?

Andrew: He’s a zombie.

Trevor: Okay someone wants attention.

Andrew: I’m serious. Why else would a bunch of military helicopters drop 20-foot glass walls to enclose our school?

Trevor: It’s probably because the school has termites or something.

Andrew: I’m pretty sure your head has termites! Open your eyes you guys and look out into the hall.

Out in the hallway, student zombies were wandering through the hallway aimlessly.

Ronald: They do seem a little aimless.

Everyone stared out the window into the hallway in silence. Then a sudden eruption of ear shattering screams arose from the group of students.

Janet: ZOMBIESSSSS!!!

Janet dove under a table and wrapped her arms around one of the legs.

Janet: I can’t be eaten today it really ruins my 5 year plan.

Andrew: Janet, you’re not going to be eaten. Nobody is going to be eaten. We all just have to calm down and come up with a plan.

Trevor: My plan is to scream, hide under a desk, and pee my pants.

Ms. Spalding: The best thing to do is wait here until somebody comes to save us.

Andrew: 10 glass barricades just enclosed the school! Nobody is going to come and save us. We only have an hour or two until those zombies break in here.

Janet: Just stop talking your going to make me throw up.

Trevor: Yeah, shut up butt-face. You don’t know what you’re talking about.

Andrew: I have seen enough zombie movies to know that waiting around in a confined space surrounded by the living dead doesn’t end too well for anyone inside.

Trevor: So what do you suggest we do?

Andrew: Someone has to go out there.

Janet: I vote Ronald.

Ronald: I vote the fat kid that sits in the corner.

The fat kid was in the corner of the library eating half of a sandwich.

Fat kid: Hey man I’m trying to bulk up!

Andrew: I’ll go out there.

Jamie: No, you can’t go out there.

Andrew: Its no big deal, I’ll be fine.

Trevor: Oh look at you acting like its no big deal, trying to be as cool as the Fonz. Well I’m going out there with you.

Andrew: You want to come along?

Trevor: Am I not allowed?

Andrew: No come along if you want.

Trevor: Well I do.

Andrew: Then come on.

Trevor: I’m already there, homie.

Andrew: Good.

Trevor: Great.

Andrew and Trevor ended their conversation with an old-fashioned staring contest until Jamie broke it by jumping between them.

Jamie: Hey idiots, how are you going to get out of here?

Andrew: The air ducts.

Trevor: That’s right the air ducts…. Wait a second, what the what?

3:00 PM:

In the hallway, the air duct panel along the ceiling snapped off. Andrew slithered out of the duct, feet first with a broom in his hands, and onto the top of the lockers. He scanned both sides of the hall for any sight of zombies.

Andrew: Its clear.

Andrew climbed off to the lockers on to the floor while Trevor exited the air duct.

3:03 PM:

Andrew and Trevor ran down the hallway searching for an exit. They each had a weapon that they found in the library. Andrew had a broom in his hands, Trevor a fire extinguisher.

Trevor: This is the worst zombie invasion ever. There are no zombies around here.

Andrew: I think from our standpoint that’s awesome.

Trevor: Well from an entertainment standpoint its lame.

Andrew: Lets try and make it to the courtyard see if there is an opening to the outside…

Just as they entered the cross hallway Andrew saw a zombie exiting a classroom. He shoved Trevor behind a locker and he dove behind a trashcan.

Trevor: What the hell…

Andrew: Shhhhhh!

The zombie walked perpendicular to the boys, not noticing them. Then as Trevor was adjusting himself against the locker he dropped the fire extinguisher on the ground causing a loud PANG sound. If that noise wasn’t enough the fire extinguisher began to roll, causing a repeating swish sound. Trevor and Andrew froze in terror. The zombies slowly changed its position, beginning to limp in their direction. Trevor’s breathing stopped as he heard the zombie’s foot steps get closer and closer.

Trevor: NEW PLAN!

Trevor crawled out from behind the lockers, slid across the floor to the fire extinguisher, and shot the white foam at the zombie. Andrew jumped out from behind the trashcan.

Andrew: What are you doing?

Trevor: Fighting a zombie. I can cross this off my bucket list.

Andrew: We have to go.

Trevor: This is kind of fun.

Andrew: Because this could attract other…

Then a swarm of zombies walked out into the hallway from inside lockers, classrooms, and other hallways.

Andrew: Lets move.

Trevor: You got that right, Big Cheese.

Andrew and Trevor ran the opposite direction towards the exit as the swarm of zombies followed them. As the duo approached the exit a zombie popped out of a locker in front of Andrew.

Andrew: BALLS!

Andrew clubbed the zombie with the end of his broomstick. The two busted out through the doorway into the bright glare of the sun. As their eyes adjusted to the light, they filled with fear to the sight of the courtyard swarming with zombies.

Trevor: I’m starting to think I should have stayed in the library.

Andrew: We’ll be fine as long as we remain calm.

One of the zombies let out a high-pitched growl causing every zombie in the courtyard to turn.

Andrew: On second thought… HAUL ASS!

Andrew and Trevor ran along the trees trying to avoid the zombies. The zombie of Ms. Rango lunged forward wrapping her arms around Trevor. Trevor fell to the cement without Andrew noticing. Ms. Rango propped herself over Trevor, opened her mouth wide preparing to sink her teeth into Trevor’s flesh.

Trevor: It’s nothing personal.

Trevor popped Ms. Rango right in her pie hole. Then swung once more smacking her in the jaw causing Ms. Rango’s zombie to fall off of him. Andrew jumped on to the top of a lunch table. Andrew swung his broom around like a crazy man trying to scare off the zombies.

Andrew: Trevor? Trevor?

Andrew saw Trevor in the middle of a zombie circle. The zombie’s surrounded Trevor from all angles.

3: 08 PM:

All the spectators watch from the other side of the class as they saw Andrew and Trevor running while the zombies surround them.

Captain Ziggy: Fascinating.

3:08:30 PM

Back in the courtyard, Trevor was fending off the closest zombies first, pushing them backwards with his fire extinguisher.

Trevor: Do you zombies like money?

Trevor pulled the wallet from his back pocket and threw it into the bushes.

Trevor: Go get the money!

None of the zombies flinched.

Trevor: Crap, that was my only plan!

Just as a zombie leaped at Trevor it took a blow to the head by the end of a leaf blower. Trevor looked up to see Andrew fending off zombies with a leaf blower in one hand and a broom in the other.

Andrew: You okay?

Trevor: Yeah, I’m good. I might need a change of underpants, but I’m good.

Andrew: I know where we can go. In five seconds, we run.

Trevor: Are you going to tell me when it’s been 5 seconds or should I count? Is it Mississippi seconds or is it like 1 alligator, 2 alligator, 3 alli…

Andrew: NOW!

Andrew plowed through a line of zombies. Trevor followed directly behind him. They ran into the cafeteria, hurtled over the counter, and locked themselves into the kitchen.

3:15 PM:

Andrew and Trevor fell to the floor each letting out a series of tired breaths. They heard the sound of a thousand fists banging on the other side of the door.

Trevor: I was not expecting that.

Andrew: That was pretty insane.

Trevor: What are we going to do now?

Andrew: Wait here.

Trevor: And if the zombies break in?

Andrew: When they break in… we’ll hopefully will have an escape plan by then.

3:20 PM:

Captain Ziggy was lighting up a cigar when the nurse stormed over.

Nurse: Did you just see those zombies attack those students?

Captain Ziggy: I did indeed, and I wish I caught some of it on tape.

Nurse: That just shows you that there are people still in there. You have to rescue them.

Captain Ziggy: That’s a negative. Like I said before, I would only endanger my men by putting them in that school. I’m sorry to the kids and the staff members still in there, but their fate is inevitable.

Nurse: What are you talking about?

Captain Ziggy: My job is to wipe out this situation permanently.

Ziggy put his walkie-talkie to his mouth.

Captain Ziggy (Into the walkie-talkie): This is the Captain speaking. I’m ordering a full on aerial assault on the contaminated zone.

Nurse: Are you going to blow up a school full of children?

Captain Ziggy: Children that crave human flesh? Hell yes. Now leave me alone because in an hour there is going to be an F-22 dropping a missile on that there school and I’m gonna be the one everyone is going to thank for stopping a zombie invasion.

The nurse slapped Ziggy across the face. Then two huge bodyguards lifted the nurse up by her arms and dragged her away.

Captain Ziggy: Yeah that’s my muscle, Bee-atch!

3: 25 PM

Trevor began to panic in the cold, dark kitchen.

Trevor (Panicked): We have to escape this death pit. There must be a bazooka around this kitchen somewhere.

Andrew: Calm down, Trevor. You’re talking crazy.

Trevor: I’m talking sane, Andrew. I have a plan, we construct a catapult out of pans and underwear and we shoot ourselves out of this kitchen, glide through the air, and parachute down over the glass wall.

Andrew shook his head and slapped Trevor across the face.

Trevor: Thanks, that was the right medicine.

Then an arm busted a hole in the wooden door.

Andrew: Okay we don’t have much time. Look around for something to barricade the door with.

Andrew and Trevor searched around the kitchen, pushing pots and pans to the floor and throwing food off the counter. Trevor searched the stove that had two giant pots upon it. Trevor lifted one of the lids off the pot and a disgusting odor rose from out of the pot into Trevor nostrils causing him to lean over and dry heave.

Trevor: What is this? It smells like a monkey’s diaper filled with Indian food.

Andrew ran over but quickly recoiled.

Andrew: Oh, that’s pungent!

Trevor: Cut off my nose Andrew, just find a knife and go to town.

Andrew: It doesn’t smell that bad.

Trevor: Is it food?

Andrew peeked into the pot.

Andrew: Looks like some type of meat.

Andrew spotted the bag of hamburger buns beside the pots.

Andrew: That’s what they served us for lunch!

Trevor: What?

Andrew: This hamburger meat is tainted, but they served it to students anyway. What did Ollie have for lunch?

Trevor: He had two hamburgers. Wait, are you saying…

Andrew: I saw Ms. Rango eating a cheeseburger when I was going to fifth period.

Trevor: This is heavy, man.

Trevor whipped out his cell phone and called Jamie. She was waiting with the rest of the class in the library.

Jamie: Trevor, are you okay?

Trevor: Jamie, guess how many zombies I beat the crap out of today. It’s more than 6…

Andrew stole the phone away from Trevor.

Andrew: Jamie, listen up. Trevor and I know why everyone in the school is turning into zombies.

Jamie: Really? What is it?

Andrew: It’s the hamburger meat.

Jamie: Lamb-surger seat? You’re breaking up I can barely hear you.

Andrew: NO, THE MEAT! Make sure nobody in the library had a hamburger for lunch or you’re all in danger.

Jamie: I’m losing reception, Andrew. Andrew? You still there?

The zombies ripped the rest of the door to shreds and began to enter the kitchen. Andrew dropped the cell phone and grabbed a pot and flung it at the zombies. Andrew and Trevor kept moving backwards as the zombies advanced. Trevor found a box filled to the brim with ketchup packets under one of the counters. He grabbed two hand-fulls of ketchup packets and chucked them in to the army of zombies.

Andrew: Seriously? Ketchup packets?

Suddenly, an explosion from behind engulfed the advancing zombies in flames. Trevor jumped into Andrew’s arms.

Trevor: Did I do that?

Through the flames, the duo could see the outline of man walking towards them.

Trevor: Is that Satan?

Andrew: Will you stop asking stupid questions?

As the flames died down the outline appeared to be the janitor holding a grenade launcher in his hands.

Janitor: Come with me if you want to live.